Monday, 24 October 2016

5 Ways To Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

It's sad that we seem to live in a society that tends to encourage our comparing ourselves with others. It's not unusual to hear our parents remind us how better off our primary school bestie seem to be doing. They remind us at every opportunity how Somadina, our playmate back in the days recently got married and how Patrick just landed a job in an oil company. 'Okechukwu just got his mother a car', and so it continues. But, this doesn't make it right.  

Like I said in an earlier post, http://ugoonjoku.blogspot.com.ng/2016/10/how-to-handle-post-graduation-depression.html?m=1comparing yourself with someone else makes you take the focus away from you, what you can do and achieve to what the other person is doing, not forgetting that this person may not even care a thing about you. So, why go through the stress when you could have channeled all the energy consumed on comparison on better things.

Comparison causes anxiety and takes every joy away from you. It leaves you feeling not good enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough, not hardworking enough and all the other feelings of inadequacy. It puts you in a position where you never get to see how great you are, no matter how hard you try. I am sure you would agree with me that the feeling is frustrating. And this is why you have to learn how to stop comparing yourself with others. Check out this five ways, and feel free to add your own contribution.   

1. Identify your biases : What exactly are you comparing? Aren't you busy comparing your inside with someone's outside? You are bothered about what they have accomplished that you haven't accomplished? Really? Sweetheart, you can do better than this. What if you were to find out that these people want something you already have? Won't you feel proud for having that? Dear, just be grateful for what you have even when it seems so small. You would only have better if you appreciate the little you have. And understand that no one has it all.   

2. Avoid the triggers : Something triggers your comparison. What is it? You don't have as much like on Facebook as Frank? People don't comment on your Instagram pictures as they do on Uju's? So, you begin to compare yourself with Uju and Frank? Haba, dear as much as I feel your pain and understand that you need to be online, I suggest you log off. Taking some break of the social media to get hold of yourself is better than sticking around to cruise in frustration. Of course  the social media is not the only possible trigger, but one of the highest in recent times, hence my illustration. Figure out what exactly makes you run off the treadmill, while playing the comparison game and deal with it.   

3. How about you? : Haven't you been so drawn to comparing yourself with others that you tend to neglect yourself. Research has proven that the happiest people on earth are people who do not compare themselves with others. I am sure being happy is not your Achilles Heels, so you certainly can dare to be happy. Focus on yourself and the little progress that you have made for a while. That would not hurt anyone. Channel the energy you would have consumed on comparison on improving yourself.  Find out the ways to make yourself better. If there's any comparison to be made, it's you against you. You yesterday and you today. What has gone better about you? I hope you weren't so busy comparing yourself with others that you didn't notice that you now write better, or cook better, or dress better, or speak better.   

4. Compliment : I am sure this never crossed your mind. You can actually compliment that person you have been comparing with yourself. You may get lucky and this person may tell you some of her/his secrets. The fellow may as well tell you that they appreciate things about you too. That would make you feel better definitely and help you understand the futility in comparison. While you love her make-up skills, she may like your body. No one has it all, and most times the people we think are better than us, aren't better than us they actually may be praying fervently to be us.   

5. Give yourself a break : You are not alone at the bad feeling that comes from not meeting up with your personal expectations. But, dwelling on the self criticism and all the negativity won't change anything. You just have to get off your back and give yourself some breathing space. How much better would your life be if you find out that you are enough, that you are beautiful just the way you are. How do I explain to you that your smartness is enough, that you are the definition of quality. Would that make you live your life any better? If yes, then you must start to feel good, not because the world thinks you are good, but because you feel good about yourself. This is just the way to go, save yourself the stress of comparison and have fun growing yourself the best way you can, so that the world would reap your beauty.

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